Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
