i can't believe i had my finger in that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
