Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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