where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
