Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
as a side note pls kill me
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