Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
