Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
