yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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