i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
