did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
