you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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