Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
