I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
