wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
