but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
