Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
