You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
