8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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