She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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