I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
