my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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