You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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