So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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