The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
