he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They have beer where we have blood.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
