so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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