so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
