I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
