So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
