i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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