Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
