What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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