I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
