There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.