Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?