Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder