You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am available for nakedness
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
