dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
