6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
