She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
