My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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