hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
