ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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