It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
