"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
