absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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