wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
