If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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