Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
