I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
