She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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