i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
