Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
