I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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