you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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