i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
