come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
