I'm jealous of your bromance
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
