wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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