Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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