Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
