Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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