the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
