You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
