P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
