none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
