Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
