I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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