So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
