Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
