i just sent this text using only my big toe
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm too high and old for this...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
