So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
People in love make me want to vomit
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
