a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
