If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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