Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
