so explain again why im purple
no
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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