Please, let me fuck your mom
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
